THE GAME we play

..: Games :..

'Tis all a chequer board of nights and days,

Where destiny with men for pieces plays;

Hither and thither, and mates, and slays.

~Edward Fitzgerald

Forgive the recycled cliché, but I feel it should be reiterated, the extent to which life is a game. I don't refer simply to the 'rat race', the economic and socio-political games surrounding us- But the game we play with ourselves and in our closest relationships. The game starts at word go... and here comes the nature vs. nurture debate again- I'm a strong advocate for the influence of nurture (or lack thereof) in shaping the way we view ourselves and the world, and I think it is of utmost importance to realise that even though these influences exist, they are not inevitable and not always the best indicators of how life should be. We are born into a society with preconceived expectations and ideals that have been passed on for generations. We are raised in a family environment suited to gender roles, domestic roles and societal/ familial values to name a few. And we act out our lives according to this 'script' (as the sociologists would phrase it) often with little thought as to why or where our own values came from. 

The game has become so all-consuming that we would fight to the death to maintain the game. How many of us actually stop to think about why we do or think things? Or why we react the way we do when things don't go our way? Probably the most identifiable domain of our lives where the game can be seen/maintained/implemented is through and in our relationships (be they romantic or otherwise). Have you ever stopped to think about the following assumptions/ questions surrounding relationships?:

1. Is a monogamous romantic relationship the ideal? Why?
2. Is it necessary to be in a romantic relationship to be 'normal', to be 'OK'?
3. Do I behave in this way in my relationship because I want to, because I have to, or because I should?
4. Where have I learned how to be in a relationship, and how has that affected by ideals about them?
5. Are you in denial about what you want?

Admittedly, I say these things with a particular case in mind- a personal experience whereby loyalty to a partner in a relationship has had supposed consequences to one's other relationships (to be convoluted about it). We all have many opinions as to 'what the right thing to do' is, and I can't help but notice most of the 'right things' stem from the instructions of the game.

It is the 'right thing' to be exclusively close to your partner (says the game), it is 'not ok' to have feelings for more than one person at a time, because that's emotional cheating (says the game), it's wise not to express your romantic feelings to someone 'too early' (says the game) etc.... The game divides us from our 'id' (thanks Freud), from our instincts, from our desires to connect with all people- to express our hearts and minds as we like. But this is why there is conflict, why there are subconscious incongruencies... because we play the game for so long that we forget what it is to not play... we forget who we were before we got into the game, playing the roles of 'girlfriend/boyfriend, mother, father, brother, shop assistant, loyal friend...' on autopilot. Sooner or later, we become afraid of life outside of games- real life has become the unknown.

If you would just stop to think for a moment; think about the relationships you have now- are you feeling jealous? Should you really be? Are you expecting something of your friends? Why? Are you behaving in accordance to yourself or to your ideal? And where has that ideal come from?

Don't get me wrong, I am well under the control of the game. I play these games with myself too- I am just as hooked on the drama or 'things going wrong' or 'injustice' and tragedy as much as the next person- but when I can find the time to get real, to be real- I understand that the game is not all there is, and that is it just what it is...a game...and from my experience, games are meant to be FUN!

So have fun with it- play the game, but know always that you are pretending, you are playing... and when it no longer becomes fun just be real for a while. Then you will always win.

Your life as a metaphor

..: Everybody wins with metaphors:..

Sit in any primary school English lesson on metaphors and you will remember the pivotal distinction between a metaphor and simile is defined to us as 'a comparison between nouns that does not use 'like' or 'as'.

But, a metaphor is so much more than that!!!  

I am by no means a Christian, but I recognise in what little I know of Christianity; that Jesus loved metaphors (and I think he was onto something): “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Luke 18:25)”. So, why be so convoluted Jesus? You're the 'Son' (metaphor?) of the creator of all things, right? If you've got something important to say- by all means SAY IT!!

But that's just it... He can't say it.. You can't just say something an expect it will be taken the same way by all people (evidence in the fact that religious debate has been so incredibly pertinent for the last two thousand odd years). So you use a metaphor. The magical food source for the creative brain, the intuitive, expansive network of synapses that interprets abstract notions. 

The brilliance in a metaphor, is that it can evoke the feeling, evoke an idea that is grasped but not expressed in words. It is a story (and don't we all love stories?), it holds our attention whilst sneakily by-passing our critical cognitive defence systems.

A metaphor is custom designed by and for each individual. You will interpret it as you will (as with anything in ones perception), but your interpretation is always the right one...because most often the message you take from metaphor is just the message you needed to take.

which brings me to my next point...

Your life as a metaphor:

I have taken to the subjective world- and by doing so decided to take everything that occurs in my life as a metaphor. I take everything that happens in my daily life and reflect it back to myself and derive some meaning from that. This allows me to notice anything unusual, any patterns, anything remotely interesting that I may decided to change or acknowledge. and perhaps it just gives me something to do... (haha).

For example:

A humorous metaphor of my recent life was when I stepped in dog poo.

 I didn't realise it was me who had stepped in it. But I could smell it on the train. I looked around at people surround me- sending out thoughts of olfactory disgust at the anonymous perpetrator, all the while being the unsuspecting culprit.

When I realised, I realised many things:

1. I really put my foot in it, this time

2. It was hanging around like a bad smell

3. I who smelt it, dealt it... (so to speak)

I had been so preoccupied with my thoughts, so detached from the physical world around me that I had lost my grip- It took me way too long to notice that I had dog poo on my shoe, because I was too busy in my own mind.

This may seem like a insignificant event to you- but it being my subjective metaphor, meant a lot! I took this as a message: 'You are not grounded in your reality, take a look at yourself'.

Carl Jung spoke in great detail about the nature of the collective consciousness and metaphor. The primary modality of the archetypes of life are just that- archetypes. They have no true form, only the form we assign to them. I think this is true of most things in life.

So I urge you, Reader, to think about what seemingly insignificant things can be taken as metaphors in your life. What message does it send to you?...

a Musing I thought I'd share. (not 'amusing, i thought id share')

As it is so that we change, we are never more than once the same person as we (are) were. 

Though time can eradicate that which is transient- ourselves included- the realms unbound by time nor moment can not be shifted. 

Perhaps without this idea of an intransient sphere (call it god, intelligence, mathematics, ethos..) the urge of man to continue forward would similarly cease to exist. 

Then, what part of me remains the same enough to love? Surely if I lose myself through time, so too I would lose my emotions or those affections associated with my entity? Or is it, quite more sentimentally, that since time has held possession of those affections, time will ensure they always exist...

If once, then always- But never again quite the same.

                                                                  * * *

You should not have Could not have, done it any other way.

Meet Ould. Pronounced 'ood'. 

A trouble maker.

Though, ironically, particularly interested in the concept of 'Responsibility.'

Problem.
Ould; he gets in the way.

The other kids; who aimlessly and joyfully bask in their innocent and childish
desires...are chargrined by him.

Turn left now, ever so carefully towards the linguists playground, where ould will meet
Sh... 

None other than his most dangerous and troubling of friends.
Brothers of crime.
Whimsical brushes of fate and fortune stand no chance against them, so colloquially known now as Should.

Should, be together.
And often fight between themselves; for Should (though a responsible pair) have no direction.
No boundaries..
As usually defined by their superiors.
Should; camouflage.
Some see them green, others blue, black and white or grey.
But black and white they are not.
Nor grey nor blue nor green.
They are only subject to, and full of;
Popular opinion.

* * *

With respite from his breakup, Ould may continue.
Turn right now; and with a little hope meet C.
Could are full of possibilities; so open to the future.
Considerate of all things.
But with the naievety of a babe, and with the bitterness of should (still resoundingly fresh in his mind)...
Ould (now could) combines forces with Have.
Could have be, no; could have been...
And are a torturous trio.
Forever, infecting the posibilities shared by Could, with the past.
Now stipped of hopeful charm, to be infected by unsettleing regret.

* * *

The playground is now rife with conflict.
Could it be, that it Should have.
Would have.
Could have..
been this way?
All they really wanted was to be.
How misguided, now, are the rest of us?
Unsure of what is!
Black or white? or grey?
Preoccupied not with what was, but what might have been.

* * *

There is principle CHAOS, amongst the people.
''Ould- be left alone for now'', he says- in all omnipotent authority.
You see, there is no freedom in Ould.

No freedom surrounds him.

...: Contemplation :...

In a Catedral somewhere in Granada:

'' It's not unusual for me to force a contrived sense of religiousness when visiting the many cathedrals and places of significance in Europe. Mostly, I just end up wondering how it could have lasted so long and find myself accidently returning to my agnosticism. However, upon viewing the many paintings hung as a collection of Fernando (the something), I realised one thing- They all showed Jesus with a wound on his right side. They all showed similar facial features (minus the colour and amount of hair he had). This led me to believe that either the lies and or interpretations had been passed down synonymously, or Jesus actually did have a wound to his right side. He did live... and die. That much I can now believe. The rest of the story is yet to be uncovered.
 

                                                              *            *             *

I sat down to ponder this when I felt an insane epitome of something. It was like I had sat in front of a century old conversation-- More even. It was like there was a lingering whisper of the truth, some pivotal information that unearths some great mystery. All I could determine was that something had happened here. Some point of no return had been passed and now only the frozen faces sculptured into the walls could know. These walls did have eyes and ears but they had no voice.

If the spacetime threories are true, and the future-present-past are infact of just one 'time', I could reach into the time that was the past, now, and hear that conversation. That is the most frustrating part- The likely impossibilities and improbable possibilities.''   -August 2010

Consider what you have just experienced a taste tester. This is the soliloquy of my soul, the 'mentational' garbage which plagues me daily. 
I write this in a cloud, to a(n) (internet) cloud- So that these meditations might bring me clarity, and bring you some amusement of any kind.
I write selfishly and subjectively in the hope that forcing myself to write with structure might bring structure to the thoughts I put into writing... 


Circular logic; I Love you...  


You will find that: I create words regularly, I ramble and I make tenuous links between facts of life and convolute them into what can sometimes be an overwhelming combination of philosophy, esoterica and pseudo-academic bullshit. 


May the festivities begin!