THE GAME we play

..: Games :..

'Tis all a chequer board of nights and days,

Where destiny with men for pieces plays;

Hither and thither, and mates, and slays.

~Edward Fitzgerald

Forgive the recycled cliché, but I feel it should be reiterated, the extent to which life is a game. I don't refer simply to the 'rat race', the economic and socio-political games surrounding us- But the game we play with ourselves and in our closest relationships. The game starts at word go... and here comes the nature vs. nurture debate again- I'm a strong advocate for the influence of nurture (or lack thereof) in shaping the way we view ourselves and the world, and I think it is of utmost importance to realise that even though these influences exist, they are not inevitable and not always the best indicators of how life should be. We are born into a society with preconceived expectations and ideals that have been passed on for generations. We are raised in a family environment suited to gender roles, domestic roles and societal/ familial values to name a few. And we act out our lives according to this 'script' (as the sociologists would phrase it) often with little thought as to why or where our own values came from. 

The game has become so all-consuming that we would fight to the death to maintain the game. How many of us actually stop to think about why we do or think things? Or why we react the way we do when things don't go our way? Probably the most identifiable domain of our lives where the game can be seen/maintained/implemented is through and in our relationships (be they romantic or otherwise). Have you ever stopped to think about the following assumptions/ questions surrounding relationships?:

1. Is a monogamous romantic relationship the ideal? Why?
2. Is it necessary to be in a romantic relationship to be 'normal', to be 'OK'?
3. Do I behave in this way in my relationship because I want to, because I have to, or because I should?
4. Where have I learned how to be in a relationship, and how has that affected by ideals about them?
5. Are you in denial about what you want?

Admittedly, I say these things with a particular case in mind- a personal experience whereby loyalty to a partner in a relationship has had supposed consequences to one's other relationships (to be convoluted about it). We all have many opinions as to 'what the right thing to do' is, and I can't help but notice most of the 'right things' stem from the instructions of the game.

It is the 'right thing' to be exclusively close to your partner (says the game), it is 'not ok' to have feelings for more than one person at a time, because that's emotional cheating (says the game), it's wise not to express your romantic feelings to someone 'too early' (says the game) etc.... The game divides us from our 'id' (thanks Freud), from our instincts, from our desires to connect with all people- to express our hearts and minds as we like. But this is why there is conflict, why there are subconscious incongruencies... because we play the game for so long that we forget what it is to not play... we forget who we were before we got into the game, playing the roles of 'girlfriend/boyfriend, mother, father, brother, shop assistant, loyal friend...' on autopilot. Sooner or later, we become afraid of life outside of games- real life has become the unknown.

If you would just stop to think for a moment; think about the relationships you have now- are you feeling jealous? Should you really be? Are you expecting something of your friends? Why? Are you behaving in accordance to yourself or to your ideal? And where has that ideal come from?

Don't get me wrong, I am well under the control of the game. I play these games with myself too- I am just as hooked on the drama or 'things going wrong' or 'injustice' and tragedy as much as the next person- but when I can find the time to get real, to be real- I understand that the game is not all there is, and that is it just what it is...a game...and from my experience, games are meant to be FUN!

So have fun with it- play the game, but know always that you are pretending, you are playing... and when it no longer becomes fun just be real for a while. Then you will always win.